Nintendo Expands Its Switch Online SNES And NES Service With Four More Titles – Nintendo Life

@Bass_X0 Issue 7, reviewed by editor Matt Bielby, bringing his rapier wit and scathing criticism with him from his Your Sinclair and Amiga Power days…

“The one thing that appeals to me as a reviewer about import games is the enforced omission of plot: I can no sooner read Japanese than I can hover across the room without crumpling the Axminster. As far as I’m concerned, the game’s called Psycho Dream and it stars a blokey, Ryo; or a girlie, Maria (depending on your personal preference). The rest of the story doesn’t count.

“However, even avoiding a quick peek at the pictures in the instruction manual, it soon becomes apparent that the person responsible for Psycho Dream must be a very light sleeper. You could say that the gameplay is shallow, but ‘not there at all’ would be much more apt.

“What happens is that you walk from left to right (and occasionally from right to left)* and you kill everything that comes within reach of your flashing blade (or glowing whip – see Ryo/Maria above). And that, as they say, is it: stroll, stroll, kill, slaughter, meet boss, die.

“I guess there’s a market for this sort of game, but I don’t think Europe is it. Unless you’re easily wowed by a few transparent guardians, or excited by parallax scrolling, you’re not going to break into a sweat, let alone a smile, over this one. And just in case you have any niggling doubts that refuse to die on the edge of my rapier-like comments, slap it on easy mode and you’ll see the entire game in one sitting. As long as you aren’t overcome by boredom first.

“So there you have it: limited gameplay; infinite continues; long, bland levels; and a soundtrack which is just like any other soundtrack, on any other Japanese beat-’em-up, anywhere.

“Producing games like this for the SNES is like owning a Turbo Esprit and driving everywhere at 20 miles an hour. What a waste of time and plastic.

“* Sorry, I lied. You can walk diagonally up and down stairs too.”

Graphics – 67%
Sound – 62%
Gameplay – 35%
Gamelife – 28%

VERDICT: “How do games of such startling banality ever get off the drawing board? And who the hell buys ’em? Not you, hopefully.”