There comes a time in everyone’s life where you want to settle down and lay down roots. For that you need somewhere to live. Fortunately, the world of Square Enix is filled with potential homes – join us as we take a tour of these hugely desirable properties…
NOTE: Spoilers for Tomb Raider Underworld, Life is Strange, DRAGON QUEST XI S: Echoes of an Elusive Age – Definitive Edition, and FINAL FANTASY VII from this point.
Croft Manor – Tomb Raider
This beautiful 16th Century estate in Surrey, England is the ancestral home of the Croft family. If you’re looking for a home that simply oozes class and status, you’ve found it.
What are its features?
Firstly it’s massive – a full mansion, with grounds to run around in. It’s beautifully furnished too, with all the paintings and ancient artifacts you could ever hope to display.
Like to keep fit? There’s a full gym where you can flip and tumble around to your heart’s content, and if you get hungry, you can grab a bite from the huge walk-in freezer (although be aware that not everyone gets to walk out again).
Sure, it’s a bit of a fixer upper, what with the rubble and fire damage, but…
Wait… fire damage?!
Well, it does sort of… erm… explode in Tomb Raider Underworld. You know – vengeful friends, evil clones – your standard aristocrat problems.
…okay, maybe we should look at other options.
Shinra Mansion, Nibelheim – FINAL FANTASY VII
Here’s another mansion, located in the charming town of Nibelheim.
What’s so charming about it?
Beautiful mountain views, plenty of shopping facilities… it’s the kind of town that just makes you want to make bold promises to your childhood friend.
And if you’re worried it all looks a little… basic, don’t worry – there’s plenty of energy to charge your gadgets, thanks to the benevolent, and not at all evil, ShinRa Electric Power Company.
The house is a little… spooky though, isn’t it?
It’s true that not every house has a coffin in the basement. And yes, there’s technically a chance that a terrifying pumpkin monster may attack you when you’re wandering round in your slippers.
Oh, and you should also probably be careful if you try to open the safe – maybe have a few phoenix downs in the medicine cupboard.
But on the plus side, there’s a piano!
…well, at least there’s no fire damage, right?
Erm… about that…
Price / Madsen household, Arcadia Bay – Life is Strange
This beautiful seaside town in Oregon has it all – charming local diners, beautiful scenery and good schools. This security-conscious household is a fantastic place to raise a family… although you might want to do something about the hidden cameras.
You mentioned good schools?
Well, a good school at least – Blackwell Academy! It’s where the best and brightest seniors go to study arts and science. Technology, photography, painting… you name it.
True, it’s had a few issues with… unprofessional behavior from the teachers, and difficulties from the wealthy Prescott family (they’re kinda jerks), but what school doesn’t have problems, right?
Sounds promising! What’s the weather like?
Okay – there is a small chance that your house may experience a little storm damage.
Put it this way – you should probably get insurance.
You know, I think I’m detecting a theme here…
Cobblestone residence – DRAGON QUEST XI S: Echoes of an Elusive Age – Definitive Edition
If you’re in the market for the simple country life, why not try Cobblestone Village? Simple stonework dwellings that radiate rustic charm, friendly neighbors and beautiful views from atop the nearby Cobblestone Tor – it has everything you could possibly want in a home.
Plus, there’s a cool celebrity connection – the Luminary himself was raised here.
That’s quite a claim to fame.
Yep – the reincarnation of the legendary world-saving hero himself has walked these very paths. I mean, sure not everyone’s a fan, but fame’s fame, right?
Okay, so what’s the twist here?
Wha..? Nothing! It’s lovely!!!
Why are you exclaiming everything?
…okay look, friend. It’s an amazing game and I don’t want to spoil anything. So here’s my advice – just play it before you pick up the keys, alright?
Granmatre Frigo’s house, Medici – Just Cause 3
This charming clifftop home on the island of Medici offers stunning vistas, incredible weather and excellent facilities just a short drive down the road. Or even closer if you have a wingsuit available.
You’ll also have access to a beautiful lighthouse, and clean, sustainable energy thanks to the windfarms nearby. In many ways, it’s a paradise.
And there’s no fire damage?
No deadly storms either?
Of course not! What do you think this is – Solís?
Ok, wow. It actually sounds perfect!
It’s everything else in the country that’s exploding.
…that’s it. I’m moving to Ubisoft.
Would you live in any of these homes? Got any better ideas? Share your thoughts with the team on social media: